Marriage is not very appealing anymore. So many cheaters out there. Steve McNair. Tiger Woods. The next door neighbor who attends church every Sunday and whose wife goes on mission trips. So sad. Yes, I named all men cause I don't know any women who have cheated on their husbands. Not saying they don't exist, but I don't know of any. Inform me, if you do.
Where I am, most men get married cause she's pregnant. Nine times out of ten, I think the woman planned this. You know when you got a good one who will "do the right thing." Since you're on a timeline and he's not moving fast enough you lay off the birth control and convince him to stop using his protection, neither of those two are hard to do, at all. Getting a man to marry you, now that's hard.
In Hollywood and even in regular life, people are having babies like its nothing! A year into a relationship, they are having a baby. Babies with no marriage. I will not have a man's baby after only a year in the relationship. I do not plan to have a man's baby unless I"m married. Plan, I say. If I'm 33, not married, and want a child......that may change, but we'll discuss that when I get there.
So, what do you think about these people just popping out babies with these people they barely know? What do you think of marriage with all this cheating going on? What do you think of marriages that have occurred due to pregnancy?
Monday, December 28, 2009
I Have Daddy Issues
I have a very controling, sometimes hateful, dad. He and I love each other very much but I hate his ways. He has physically abused my mother a few times....and she stayed. He has talked down to hear....and she stayed. He has upset her on several occasions.....and she stayed. He does not appreciate her the way he should....and she stays. He does not fix up the house or make the repairs to make her life easy....and she says nothing. He does not love or think my younger brother is as great as me and it shows....and Mom says nothing to him.
Due to my experiences as a child watching all this, I have issues that affect me as an adult. My dad did not sexually abuse me, so I did not become a stripper. But my dad controlled our house and allowed no one to say anything, so I now voice my opinion all the time and can't control my emotions because I've had to swallow so much that I am at capacity. So I became an angry, black woman.
I'm working on this. I'm trying, y'all. I'm praying. I'm taking deep breaths. I'm just trying to suppress the memories, but when your mom and brother still live in it, how can you just act like it does not exist? As he has aged, he has become much more mellow. He does not argue, holler, fuss at my mom anymore. I think he has really calmed down a lot. She has obviously let go of the past, but I have not. Also, he still holds a grudge against her for some financial issues she created ~15 years ago. It has all been fixed, but he is so selfish, now with her and my brother, who is sitll in high school. He always was easier on me and I have his personality, so he knows not to say too much to me. I get to him with the silent treatment and acting like he's not there.
I just want to see my brother go on to be a great success to prove to himself and my dad that he's great and I want my mom to get out of there. She does not deserve to live in that trashy house under his power until she dies.
Because of all of this, I WILL NOT let a man have ANY type of control or power over me. I work hard to be independent for this reason. Depending on ANYONE is not an option. Also, until I can get my dad's ways out of system ( i have his temper and angry ways) I will not get married - by choice. I have had men like my mom who want to ignore my issues and be with me, but I won't allow it. I will not repeat the cycle. I think its partially hereditary, but I just saw so much that I just don't know how to deal with my emotions. The smallest thing that someone says or does wrong affects me soooo much. This is going to send me to an early grave with the stress and anxiety. Pray for me y'all.
I'm working on this. I'm trying to find more things to enjoy in life. I'm exercising more. I'm finding new outlets to relieve stress and anger....exercise, yoga, kick boxing......any other ideas? When I'm at work, how do I stop things from bothering so much? What do I do?
Daddy's please love your families and treat them right. You just don't know the effect it has on the ENTIRE family.
Due to my experiences as a child watching all this, I have issues that affect me as an adult. My dad did not sexually abuse me, so I did not become a stripper. But my dad controlled our house and allowed no one to say anything, so I now voice my opinion all the time and can't control my emotions because I've had to swallow so much that I am at capacity. So I became an angry, black woman.
I'm working on this. I'm trying, y'all. I'm praying. I'm taking deep breaths. I'm just trying to suppress the memories, but when your mom and brother still live in it, how can you just act like it does not exist? As he has aged, he has become much more mellow. He does not argue, holler, fuss at my mom anymore. I think he has really calmed down a lot. She has obviously let go of the past, but I have not. Also, he still holds a grudge against her for some financial issues she created ~15 years ago. It has all been fixed, but he is so selfish, now with her and my brother, who is sitll in high school. He always was easier on me and I have his personality, so he knows not to say too much to me. I get to him with the silent treatment and acting like he's not there.
I just want to see my brother go on to be a great success to prove to himself and my dad that he's great and I want my mom to get out of there. She does not deserve to live in that trashy house under his power until she dies.
Because of all of this, I WILL NOT let a man have ANY type of control or power over me. I work hard to be independent for this reason. Depending on ANYONE is not an option. Also, until I can get my dad's ways out of system ( i have his temper and angry ways) I will not get married - by choice. I have had men like my mom who want to ignore my issues and be with me, but I won't allow it. I will not repeat the cycle. I think its partially hereditary, but I just saw so much that I just don't know how to deal with my emotions. The smallest thing that someone says or does wrong affects me soooo much. This is going to send me to an early grave with the stress and anxiety. Pray for me y'all.
I'm working on this. I'm trying to find more things to enjoy in life. I'm exercising more. I'm finding new outlets to relieve stress and anger....exercise, yoga, kick boxing......any other ideas? When I'm at work, how do I stop things from bothering so much? What do I do?
Daddy's please love your families and treat them right. You just don't know the effect it has on the ENTIRE family.
No More Tyra Show
So, I guess Tyra ran out of "qwirky" topics and decided to end her "goofy" show. I must admit that I've found a lot of her shows interesting (the period show, the real hair show). Because of her show I have crushes on Reggie Bush and 50 Cent. Before, they were just fine, sexy, chocolate brothers, but due to her interviews with them, I got to see the caring, fun, and even sexier side of these brothas. Also, she was a major Beyonce fan. I like B, but not everything she does. Tyra would mention B almost EVERY day.
She's supposed to be concentrating more on producing films. I dunno....I think she should produce some films first before dropping the show. It really got good ratings and won awards every year its been on, which is impressive for a former supermodel turned talk show host.
I wish she would end ANTM. Enough of that already! We all know how to walk, pose, show our emotions, and most imporantly, SMILE WITH OUR EYES. There are too many models out there, which brings down their value - especially when singers/actresses model, too. One good thing about ANTM is that it taught us to embrace our unique qualities. Now you have people with all kinds of "flaws" posting pics of themselves with confidence. But, again, ENOUGH already. After Eva's season and Jade's season (yes, I know Jade did not win, but she owned that season) - I was done. I watched a couple of other seasons after that, but not as consistently or with much interest.
So, now I wonder who will fill in the two-hour time slot of the CW everyday when she goes off? I suspect all kinds of people will try being a talk show host again like back in teh 90's when Gayle King, Tempestt Bledsoe, and Ananda Lewis dipped into that arena. Who will fill Oprah's spot?
I'd love to see Solange have a talk show. Random, huh? But that chick is smart, diverse, and open-minded. She speaks with ease and has the confidence to talk about things and to be a good, positive, young woman on t.v. Make it happen Papa Knowles!!!
Who would you like to see with a talk show? I'd like to see a good male with one, but who?
She's supposed to be concentrating more on producing films. I dunno....I think she should produce some films first before dropping the show. It really got good ratings and won awards every year its been on, which is impressive for a former supermodel turned talk show host.
I wish she would end ANTM. Enough of that already! We all know how to walk, pose, show our emotions, and most imporantly, SMILE WITH OUR EYES. There are too many models out there, which brings down their value - especially when singers/actresses model, too. One good thing about ANTM is that it taught us to embrace our unique qualities. Now you have people with all kinds of "flaws" posting pics of themselves with confidence. But, again, ENOUGH already. After Eva's season and Jade's season (yes, I know Jade did not win, but she owned that season) - I was done. I watched a couple of other seasons after that, but not as consistently or with much interest.
So, now I wonder who will fill in the two-hour time slot of the CW everyday when she goes off? I suspect all kinds of people will try being a talk show host again like back in teh 90's when Gayle King, Tempestt Bledsoe, and Ananda Lewis dipped into that arena. Who will fill Oprah's spot?
I'd love to see Solange have a talk show. Random, huh? But that chick is smart, diverse, and open-minded. She speaks with ease and has the confidence to talk about things and to be a good, positive, young woman on t.v. Make it happen Papa Knowles!!!
Who would you like to see with a talk show? I'd like to see a good male with one, but who?
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Sexual Harrassment on the Job
Okay, so I've had to deal with this twice. The first time, it was a really nice man, who is a Christian, who just was not thinking. He was in a playful mood at the time and made a mistake. All humans make mistakes. We discussed it and moved on. The incident: He hit me with a rolled up piece of paper on the back of my thigh.
Just last week, another guy, who is not as nice and tends to be flirty, hit me on the butt with a stick. It was a light tap on the top of the butt cheek. I was facing him and standing with my weight in my right hip. (You know how we stand, sistas.) He tapped it with the stick. I looked at him and asked if he realized what he did and he told me to turn and let him do the other side so it would be even. That made it worse and when I went home that night I became more mad and upset the more I thought about it. I discussed the issue with a good, reliable male in a management position in another company like mine. He suggested I do not report it, but address it with the guy very firmly. If it happens again, he says to report it. The reason for not reporting now, he says, is that it could make me look bad (in a nut shell - he said it in a more professional, politically correct manner).
Not make me look bad??!???? Um, excuse me, but he hit me on the butt and then told me to turn around and let him do the other side. BS! I understand what my advisor saying and where he's coming from. In a white, male-dominated area, we (blacks and females) have to be "blue;" you want to blend in. Anything that makes you stick out based on gender or race, you don't necessarily want to do, but my body, my pride, my integrity as a human trumps my career.
Question: why is it that I, as a black female, have to worry about my reputation when someone (a white male) violates my space? Just cause I'm a black female in a white, male-dominated career, must I swallow everything that comes my way to succeed?
Talk to me!
Just last week, another guy, who is not as nice and tends to be flirty, hit me on the butt with a stick. It was a light tap on the top of the butt cheek. I was facing him and standing with my weight in my right hip. (You know how we stand, sistas.) He tapped it with the stick. I looked at him and asked if he realized what he did and he told me to turn and let him do the other side so it would be even. That made it worse and when I went home that night I became more mad and upset the more I thought about it. I discussed the issue with a good, reliable male in a management position in another company like mine. He suggested I do not report it, but address it with the guy very firmly. If it happens again, he says to report it. The reason for not reporting now, he says, is that it could make me look bad (in a nut shell - he said it in a more professional, politically correct manner).
Not make me look bad??!???? Um, excuse me, but he hit me on the butt and then told me to turn around and let him do the other side. BS! I understand what my advisor saying and where he's coming from. In a white, male-dominated area, we (blacks and females) have to be "blue;" you want to blend in. Anything that makes you stick out based on gender or race, you don't necessarily want to do, but my body, my pride, my integrity as a human trumps my career.
Question: why is it that I, as a black female, have to worry about my reputation when someone (a white male) violates my space? Just cause I'm a black female in a white, male-dominated career, must I swallow everything that comes my way to succeed?
Talk to me!
Welcome to My Blog
Greetings world! I'm coming to you sharing my life experiences as a young, professional, successful, single, black female. I will discuss almost anything and everything that comes to mind or happens to me. Most of it will likely be work-related since I am climbing the corporate ladder in a white and/or male-dominated field. This is also due to my persistent drive, determination, and zealous desire to achieve. I've always been a high-achiever and this career allows me to be just that, but not at the pace I would like. I'm a fast-paced high-achiever! I am not a complacent person. I'm tired of feeling like they don't recognize how GREAT I really am. On paper, everything looks great (great ratings, bonuses, etc), so I can't complain, but there is something in me that just does not allow me to be satisfied. Gotta work on that.
I will also focus a lot on relationships, which I appear to be terrible at - let them tell it. Since I am a high-achiever, ya know, this go for all areas of my life, not just my career. I'm picky about my personal life and who I share it with. Now, I'm not just talking about my intimate relationships with men, but with women also. Both are either too insecure to be genuinely happy for my success without feeling threatened (not that I'm a baller or anything, its just that sometimes WE act like no one can have anything except us and feel like we must compete with other successful blacks in order to sleep well at night). Anyway, I tend to be a loner, so not having many relationships in my life with people is okay.
I will focus on religion, as well. I'm a firm believer in God and the power of prayer. I'm no preacher, but when I hear a good message, I will share it. If I read a good passage, I will share it.
I will talk about finances. We, as blacks, are behind in the finance game. We are learning and catching up. I'm learning, too. I own a home, but am researching and getting into more investments, such as high-yield savings accounts, mutual funds and IRAs.
My guilty pleasure is reality tv and entertainment blogs, so I will definitely be discussing things. I won't post anything new (I'm not trying to be the messenger) just discussing.
Of course, ladies, I will discuss fashion and beauty. I'm a simple chick, so I don't shop a LOT and I don't change up my hair and all that kinda stuff much. I am cute and simple and like it that way.
I want this to be interactive. This is my first blog and I'm not aware how others can comment on the posts, but I hope people (men and women) can benefit from the blog and learn from each other (myself included).
I tend to be kinda lengthy, but I'll try to put as much white space in there as possible to ease the reading.
I just hope I can remain consistent with this. I'm not good with routines, but I'm working on it and so many other things in my life, right now. Come along for the ride!
Enjoy!
I will also focus a lot on relationships, which I appear to be terrible at - let them tell it. Since I am a high-achiever, ya know, this go for all areas of my life, not just my career. I'm picky about my personal life and who I share it with. Now, I'm not just talking about my intimate relationships with men, but with women also. Both are either too insecure to be genuinely happy for my success without feeling threatened (not that I'm a baller or anything, its just that sometimes WE act like no one can have anything except us and feel like we must compete with other successful blacks in order to sleep well at night). Anyway, I tend to be a loner, so not having many relationships in my life with people is okay.
I will focus on religion, as well. I'm a firm believer in God and the power of prayer. I'm no preacher, but when I hear a good message, I will share it. If I read a good passage, I will share it.
I will talk about finances. We, as blacks, are behind in the finance game. We are learning and catching up. I'm learning, too. I own a home, but am researching and getting into more investments, such as high-yield savings accounts, mutual funds and IRAs.
My guilty pleasure is reality tv and entertainment blogs, so I will definitely be discussing things. I won't post anything new (I'm not trying to be the messenger) just discussing.
Of course, ladies, I will discuss fashion and beauty. I'm a simple chick, so I don't shop a LOT and I don't change up my hair and all that kinda stuff much. I am cute and simple and like it that way.
I want this to be interactive. This is my first blog and I'm not aware how others can comment on the posts, but I hope people (men and women) can benefit from the blog and learn from each other (myself included).
I tend to be kinda lengthy, but I'll try to put as much white space in there as possible to ease the reading.
I just hope I can remain consistent with this. I'm not good with routines, but I'm working on it and so many other things in my life, right now. Come along for the ride!
Enjoy!
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