I Have Daddy Issues

I have a very controling, sometimes hateful, dad. He and I love each other very much but I hate his ways. He has physically abused my mother a few times....and she stayed. He has talked down to hear....and she stayed. He has upset her on several occasions.....and she stayed. He does not appreciate her the way he should....and she stays. He does not fix up the house or make the repairs to make her life easy....and she says nothing. He does not love or think my younger brother is as great as me and it shows....and Mom says nothing to him.

Due to my experiences as a child watching all this, I have issues that affect me as an adult. My dad did not sexually abuse me, so I did not become a stripper. But my dad controlled our house and allowed no one to say anything, so I now voice my opinion all the time and can't control my emotions because I've had to swallow so much that I am at capacity. So I became an angry, black woman.

I'm working on this. I'm trying, y'all. I'm praying. I'm taking deep breaths. I'm just trying to suppress the memories, but when your mom and brother still live in it, how can you just act like it does not exist? As he has aged, he has become much more mellow. He does not argue, holler, fuss at my mom anymore. I think he has really calmed down a lot. She has obviously let go of the past, but I have not. Also, he still holds a grudge against her for some financial issues she created ~15 years ago. It has all been fixed, but he is so selfish, now with her and my brother, who is sitll in high school. He always was easier on me and I have his personality, so he knows not to say too much to me. I get to him with the silent treatment and acting like he's not there.

I just want to see my brother go on to be a great success to prove to himself and my dad that he's great and I want my mom to get out of there. She does not deserve to live in that trashy house under his power until she dies.

Because of all of this, I WILL NOT let a man have ANY type of control or power over me. I work hard to be independent for this reason. Depending on ANYONE is not an option. Also, until I can get my dad's ways out of system ( i have his temper and angry ways) I will not get married - by choice. I have had men like my mom who want to ignore my issues and be with me, but I won't allow it. I will not repeat the cycle. I think its partially hereditary, but I just saw so much that I just don't know how to deal with my emotions. The smallest thing that someone says or does wrong affects me soooo much. This is going to send me to an early grave with the stress and anxiety. Pray for me y'all.

I'm working on this. I'm trying to find more things to enjoy in life. I'm exercising more. I'm finding new outlets to relieve stress and anger....exercise, yoga, kick boxing......any other ideas? When I'm at work, how do I stop things from bothering so much? What do I do?

Daddy's please love your families and treat them right. You just don't know the effect it has on the ENTIRE family.